He’s Just Not That Into You

I may be late to this party but I just recently discovered this book called “He’s Just Not That Into You” that was published in 2009. Well it was great advice then and still great advice today! I wasn’t halfway through this audiobook before I picked up the phone to call my friend Carol to tell her that EVERY single female on the face of this planet should listen to this book. She laughed and was like ok I’m going to download it right now. Her and I are both single and we often talk about getting back into the dating world. This book is like a prerequisite to dating and just a great reminder of how simple things usually really are. I often say that road to happiness is usually pretty simple. But we just like to complicate things and make excuses for dead end relationships. This book is going to help me not waste time and energy and that’s a beautiful thing.

I enjoyed how this book answers a ton of questions from different women in a ton of different situations, but I especially enjoyed the “what it should look like” portion in every chapter, I think a lot of us need models and examples of what healthy responses and reactions should look like because we were never modeled those growing up.

Here is one example from the book of an excuse that women have made for their unsatisfying situations. They also include handy titles to clue you in.

The “Maybe He Doesn’t Want to Ruin the Friendship” Excuse 

Dear Greg, 

I’m so disappointed. I have this friend that I’ve known platonically for about ten years. He lives in a different city and recently he was in town for work, so we met for dinner. All of a sudden it felt like we were on a date. He was completely flirting with me. He even said to me, as he was checking me out, “So, what, you’re working the whole ‘model thing’ now?” (That’s flirting, right?) We both agreed that we should get together again soon. Well, Greg, I’m disappointed because it’s been two weeks and he hasn’t called me. Can I call him? He might be nervous about turning the friendship into romance. Can’t I give him a nudge now? Isn’t that what friends are for? 

Jodi 

FROM THE DESK OF GREG 

Dear Friendly Girl, 

Two weeks is two weeks, except when it’s ten years and two weeks. That’s how long ago he decided whether or not he could date a model or a girl who looks like one. Can you be a pal and give him a nudge? Nudge away, friendster—but watch how fast that nudge doesn’t get a return phone call. And if your dinner/date did feel different to him, it’s been two weeks and he’s had time to think about it and decide he’s just not that into you. Here’s the truth: Guys don’t mind messing up a friendship if it could lead to sex, whether it be a “fuck buddy” situation or a meaningful romance. Go find someone that lives in your zip code who will be rocked to the core by your deep conversation and model looks. 

I hate to tell you, but that whole “I don’t want to ruin the friendship” excuse is a racket. It works so well because it seems so wise. Sex could mess up a friendship. Unfortunately, in the entire history of mankind, that excuse has never ever been used by someone who actually means it. If we’re really excited about someone, we can’t stop ourselves—we want more. If we’re friends with someone and attracted to them, we’re going to want to take it further. And please, don’t tell me he’s just “scared.” The only thing he’s scared of—and I say this with a lot of love—is how not attracted to you he is. 

Now go get the book. You won’t regret it. It was the best relationship advice I’ve heard in a long time!